Jail Time!

I've decided that if I end up failing at life, I'm going to shoot an old woman in the face and go to jail. She'll be dead soon anyway, so it's not like her death will matter. Plus, she's old and no one will love her. Then, while I'm in jail, I'll be taken care of and pretty set. I mean, the showers are kind of a down side, but all in all, it's a great idea, right? Maybe I'll do a little GTA and steal her car, then shoot her in the face, that way I'm sure to get a life sentence. Oh, and I gotta burn the flag and a cross while yelling death threats at the president. My whole life is planned out since starting right, like... now. 

I'll get free meals, a place to sleep, so I'll be pretty much taken care of. A little police brutality and judicial BS to get through, but hey, it's the end that counts.

In the end, after all, the end is the end, and it's the end that ends the end. End of story. 

Moral of the story: if life hands you lemons, murderkill a senior citizen.

ChaCha Sucks II: The Ultimate Suck

First off, a disclaimer: this is kind of really inappropriate.


So, it happened maybe a week ago, or something, but I was with my mates Brandon and Chad and I was saying how stupid ChaCha was, so Brandon, joking around, sent them a text that asked what the yellow stuff coming out of his penis was. After about ten or twenty minutes of waiting for them to reply, he finally got the text that said they were working on it (go figure, right? Who knew it took that long to figure out what urine is...)


When he finally got the answer, it went on about what a girl's orgasm looks like and how there wasn't a medical name for the fluid.


So, ChaCha hath spoken. The yellow stuff that comes out of a penis is vaginal discharge.


I can't conceive how stupid that person must've been. Honestly. I don't understand. Unless they were trolling, knowing that they were being trolled.


Then, just a couple days ago, I asked why they sucked. The answer:

I don't think it's possible for a company to give a blow job. If you mean figuratively, I think ChaCha is great! ChaCha again!

I couldn't quit laughing for a good five minutes.


Moral of the story: don't ever use ChaCha, it could shock your modesty.

Adverts Just Aren't What They Used to Be

Here's just a few adverts I've seen recently that, in some way, are completely stupid/hilarious. I mean, there's tons of them out there, so I'll post more later, but this is all I got for now.
Also, no pictures, which is disappointing, but I can't figure out how to take screenshots...


In an advert for Geek 2 Geek, some dating service for... geeks... the picture used was George Clooney. George Clooney, y'know, the famous actor, probably a millionaire, too. Not exactly the kinda guy you'd use to advertise a dating service for... geeks...


On YouTube, in the "Recommended for You" section, there was a video for Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract." Thinking it was because of the Lady Gaga videos I don't watch in secret when no one's looking, I saw that it was instead suggested because I watched "A Frat Boy Reviews 'Avatar.'" Because the two have loads in common...


A Facebook advert was advertising IMVU, an avatar-oriented social network, with the headline "18 male and love YoVille?" Ah... most 18 year old males do not love YoVille (game app on social networks where you do pretty much nothing), and even if they do, I'm sure they have other things (I guess I should say "we") to do than avatar chat with fat pedos pretending to be girls on the internet. Porn's the number one other thing. Porn is number two. Guess what number three is?
(Modern Warfare 2)


That's all I got for now.


Moral of the story: stay in school! It's the number one way of not coming across as someone who has zero communication skills.

Ramen Watch: Day Three

Ah, welcome to the, um, final day of Ramen Watch. Y'see, it's starting to look like straight vomit and it's creeping me out (no easy task), so we're done. I'll dump it out, burn the cup, and deny all evidence that this horrible monstrosity ever occurred.


Thanks for tuning in, and keep your eyes peeled (literally, rip the skin off the top of your eyes--I'M NOT JOKING) for another event. Maybe... toenail watch. Where I don't cut my toenails for like, a year or something. That'll be cool.


Moral of the story: sometimes, it's best just to give up, especially if something involves nasty soup that looks like someone threw up. 

Let's Rhyme!

It's been said that nothing rhymes with the words "purple" and "orange" (among others) but that's a load of elephant crap. To further educate the public, I have compiled a list of words that rhyme with both purple and orange. Why do people say nothing rhymes with them? It's stupid.


Orange:
binge
cringe
fringe
hinge
minge
singe
tinge
twinge
impinge
infringe
syringe
unhinge
flange (depending on how you pronounce)


Purple:
bull
full
pull


http://www.rhymezone.com/?loc=bar said that none of these were perfect rhymes, and you have to agree. But for Heaven's sake, they're still rhymes.


Moral of the story: don't believe everything you're told. Except for that. And that. And that....

Ramen Watch: Day Two

Well, since I'm sure you've all been waiting on the edge of your seat/stool/mother's lap, it's time for day two of Ramen Watch!


Nothing has changed.


It's a little grosser looking, but the film is the same thickness and it's all basically the same. Which kinda makes me want to burn something.


Moral of the story: patience is important, usually for snipers, assassins, and job hunters, but also for sad people who have nothing better to do with their lives than to watch ramen soup dry.

Experiment with Ramen --Ramen Watch: Day One

Have you ever made some Ramen soup, then put the bowl in the sink without washing or rinsing it, then noticed after a day that it was really crusty with this crap that was basically dry, seasoned salt water that comes off with a mere poke? Of course you have, because that's normal and I'm normal so I do things that are normal and don't do things that aren't normal I'm so sad.


Well, last night, I made some and, since I'd rather not die of a stroke from dumping half a cup of salt down my throat, poured out most of the excess liquid into a cup. Then I got a brilliant idea! I would leave it in the cup (shown below) and see if it froze!

(Shown beside measuring cup for better perception--see the soupiness inside, mmm)

I poked the top with a fork fairly hard, and pushed down to the bottom even, and the film on the top didn't break. That's messed up. This is gross. Awesome.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE.

Funny Time

Yesterday (curse my night owlery) in math, we learned about what are called Platonic Solids. There's a joke at the end of this, so just shut up and listen to more about math, m'kay? M'kay.


So, first up is the TETRAHEDRON with 4 vertices, 6 edges, and 4 faces!

(Triangular goodness!)

Up next, we have the CUBE with 8 vertices, 12 edges, and 6 faces!

(Cubic delight!)

Third, we have the OCTAHEDRON with 6 vertices, 12 edges, and 8 faces!

(Octahedrictacular!)

Fourth on the list is the DODECAHEDRON, with 20 sides, 30 edges, and 12 faces!

(Dodeca-delicious!)

Lastly and leastly is the ICOSAHEDRON, with 12 vertices, 30 edges, and 20 faces (and people call me two-faced).

(Icosahedrolytes!)

Okay, so, these shapes have what are called "duals," meaning the shape can fit inside the other by each of its vertices touching the exact middle of the others' face. The cube and octahedron are both duals (notice how the number of faces of one of them is equal to the number of vertices of the other) and the dodecahedron and the icosahedron are duals.

Now, the tetrahedron is the freak in the family, because it doesn't have anyone else to get inside, but, as you see its vertices equal the number of faces, so it's its own dual. So, I guess we could say it does it to itself because it can't get inside anyone else!

TADA!

In case you were wondering, yes, this entire post was explaining three-dimensional geometric shapes just to lead up to a masturbation joke.

Nothing to see here, move along!

A Lesson in Satanism

Today, I saw a Disney film called "Donald in Mathmagic Land" in my Investigations in Mathematics class (Satan's finest piece of work) and during the part of the film that talked about geometry, it showed the pentagram (shown below).

(Incredible, isn't it?)

It amazed me how many people incorrectly assumed it was a Satanic symbol and pointed it out (obnoxiously loud, I might add), laughed, or reacted like an idiot. Being the socially inept person I am, I refrained from correcting them but NO LONGER. Here's a lil bit of history on this lovely symbol, but first, a song. Go look up "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler, love it, adore it, listen to it again, and come back.

(off topic, just heard someone walk by my door and say "I have great taste in women!" Glad I missed that one...)

Okay, so back in the day of Pythagorus, he and his followers saw it merely as a symbol of mathematical and geometric perfect awesomeness. Throughout history, it was used as a symbol or exemplification of astrology (pointed to five planets), the elements (earth, wind, water, fire, thought/wood/etc., depending on the culture), the five wounds of Jesus Christ (both hands, both feet, head), magic and occultism (just as a side note, whenever a symbol is shown with a circle around it, it usually means there's some kind of cultic significance to it), the five senses (touch, taste, sight, sound, hearing), architecture, demonic protection, and like a billion other things. It's just a symbol. People have used it to mean several different things, some of them contradictory, but y'know, whatever.

NOW

The reason this symbol is normally associated with Satanism, because Satanists back sometime in somewhere or something did with it what they did with the cross and flipped it upside down as a symbol of perversion, contradiction, and revolt. They use it as a symbol of their religion and use it in certain practices.

(Upside down means a frown!)

(Click empty space there to see it, I can't get it to show up, sorry)

Technically, while it is a pentagram, this shouldn't be called a pentagram, since a pentagram has certain positive characteristics. It should instead be called the Sigil of Baphomet, Baphomet being a pagan god usually associated with Satan. The animal most associated with Satan is the goat, and you can kinda see the resemblance of the sigil to a goat (the bottom point being the snout, the top two  the horns, side two ears). Look-a-here:

(I do love goats.)

See? Now you know the difference. Pentagram=good, baphomet=bad.

Moral of the story: for the love of me, take five minutes and look stuff up.

SUGGESTIONS?

Haven't posted in almost a month (it's been since, like, last year!!!!11) and now that I'm back at school, I'll have a lot of free time, even though that should mean the opposite, but I'm more busy when I'm at home (videojuegos, amigo!) so now I've got homework, sleeping, eating, you know. Important stuff.

So, if anyone has any suggestions for me, something you'd like to see me write about, I'll gladly take those, since I'm kinda running out of ideas. This blog is something I want to keep up with, but for some reason, I just don't.

Moral of the story: perseverance is a virtue. Maybe not, but it should be. Or I'll make it one. Yeah.

Parenting

So, I just walked past this giant poster of the Hulk in my dorm (beautiful decoration). I noticed it was promotional, because it said THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED, but the main thing I noticed was a disclaimer right beside the not rating that said THIS FILM CONTAINS DEPICTIONS OF TOBACCO CONSUMPTION. So, this got me thinking of other movies that were rated for tobacco usage, and even video games that were rated for the same. "Gee, well," you might say, "they just do that so the parents know what their kids are getting into!" Gee, well, I would say, that would be a legitimate argument if smoking was frowned upon like graphic nudity and child torture. You might as well rate a movie/game because someone wore purple, and that means gay, which might offend someone (that statement's senselessness should prove my point).

Here's the thing, you don't let your kids see the movie because you're sheltering them from smoking, and if you're sheltering them from it, you're not telling them about it, so they're not going to know if it's right or wrong, so when one of their friends offers them a cigarette, they won't know that it's a health hazard, so they'll take it, get addicted, and ruin their life all because you suck as a parent.

So why would we need to warn people that they'll be watching someone smoke? If parents would just warn their kids, then there shouldn't be any problem. I mean, it's not like watching someone light a cigarette is going to ruin your life. Bah.

Moral of the story: don't shelter your kids. Teach them, warn them, help them. Otherwise, they'll end up like me and decide to find things out firsthand.