Victory

Today is a good day. It is a good day for two reasons.


1. I got a new laptop fan. It's really nice.
2. I beat the s*#@ out of the old one. It was really nice.


Yes.

You are gazing upon the shattered remnants of poor technology.

Glorious. I scraped up my hands and had to answer a few questions to Mom and Dad, but it was worth it. Just look at the scrap. Booyah. Also, my brother helped.

Yes, that is a picture of a man stabbing a laptop fan with a pirate sword.

So today's great. I would burn it, but I don't think that's totally legal.

Moral of the story: this is what men do when they don't like things--they beat them up.

Advert Fail

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Join the best, largest and most effective dating site for single horse lovers and friends in the world!


Yes, that's real, and no, I'm not making it up. Found it on Facebook. I'm concerned... I don't even think I need to explain it. Or make fun of it. Except that (I hope to God, anyway) that there should be "and only" stuck after "most effective."


Why is this really a website? Why?

A Lesson in Grammar

Hi, kids! It's your old pal, Mr. Misanthropic McHater!


Today, I'm going to teach you a lesson that you'd better not forget, because I know where you live.


This lesson is called...


The Difference Betwixt "Awe" and "Aw"


There is one. Know it.


"Awe" is defined as "an overwhelming feeling of wonder or admiration; a mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity, or might."


From this is derived the word "awesome," which is apparently the correct form of the word "awing" which my writing professor says isn't a word even though my computer and Microsoft Word both say it's okay, professor.




"Aw" is defined as "an expression of either disappointment or affection; a vowel coloration caused by a frequency-response peak centered around 450Hz. An "aw" coloration tends to emphasize and glamorize the sound of large brass instruments (trombone, tuba)."


This is the noise you make when something is cute, like a baby goat, or crappy, like finding out that you have to go to a family reunion (Aw, Mom! *sad face*).




So, pretty please, stop saying "Awe!" when you mean "Aw!" okay?

Godwin's Law

Love

Love is like a potato.

Above: potato.

Sometimes it's dirty, and you gotta work hard to grow it, cultivate it, and pull it from the mud and clean it.

Above: I hope that's a potato field... I can't say I really checked.

Also, they're great fried.

Fried love is the best love.

This was going to be about moustaches, but I got sidetracked.

Dear Apple,


First off, I hate you and I hope you die, even though your laptops are okay and your MP3 players are the best. Second, I would like to let you know that "moustache" is a completely correct way of spelling "mustache". The latter is simply the dumbed down version of the former (the correct and original) and only exists because Americans don't want to put in the extra "O". Also, Why is YouTube correct but Facebook not? I mean, seriously.


Love (and by Love I mean Awaiting your Imminent Destruction and Corporate Downfall),
Matt.


P.S. I don't care what anyone says, the iPad looks silly.