The faults of iPrism.

St. Bernard's iPrism (I think he's the patron saint of internet filters) is an internet filter that filters the internet (no way right?). It filters out tons of stuff, mostly porn and bootlegging stuff (everything worth looking at, to be honest, heyoooo).


BUT


It doesn't account for some things.


For instance, what if someone is sexually attracted to animals? Google image search PANDA and you're all set.


Or pictures of feet, bald scalps, or old women, if you have a fetish (or, you can just turn safe search off and look up boobs).


Moral of the story: nothing is foolproof. Except the American government.

Sinuses!

Mine are infected.


AWESOME.


No, really, it's awesome. The pressure, the snot, the coughing, the explosion of nasal death. It's great.


AND I get drugs. One pill every four hours, one every six, two in the morning, and two at night. So, if I never slept, that's fourteen pills a day. Plus my anxiety medicine, so fifteen.


Cool, right? Lemme tell you, the real miracle will be if I don't get better. It's like... taking a two-week X-ray to nuke my sinuses. Which... actually.....


Not a bad idea...


Moral of the story: X-rays are dangerous...? Sure.

Shaving tips

1. Use shaving cream. Without it, shaving kind of hurts, especially if the hair is long.


2. Use hot water. More comfortable that way. Cuts the hair easier.


3. Don't shave women. Personally I'd love someone to shave me, but they do not.

I have a jacuzzi!

It's true! See here:

Yeah! Woooo! Let's zoom out and see the whole thing!

Awesome!

So apparently Jacuzzi is a company, not a hot-tubbish thing, although they do make those.

I did not know that.

Life Lessons with Mainerd--Fiber

Hello, everybody! It's time for

LIFE LESSONS,

WITH MAINERD

Fan-freakin-tastic, right? You get to learn from me! And by "me" I mean "my failures." Well, I suppose the two are synonymous, so sure, use whichever.

The lesson today is a warning against fiber.

Yes.

Fiber.

Don't ever ever eat fiber bars unless you're constipated, or they'll turn you into a crap factory working at full capacity. It doesn't make you regular unless you're irregular. If you're already regular, it just makes you poop more. Which is bad, because they tasted good so I had like, two of them.

Bad idea.

Had a five-flusher. Still feel sick. Lots of toilet paper, lots of Febreze, lots of water from flushing, lots of time, lots of AWFUL.

So now my butt hurts.

Oh, don't quote that out of context. Please? Grow up.

LIFE IS GOOD

So, for a while, I was pretty bummed that Mac didn't have anything like MS Paint (aka one of the coolest things Microsoft had on their PCs). After a Google search, I FOUND ONE.

It's called Paintbrush.

It rocks.

Not as good as MS Paint, and not as familiar, but it still does just about everything it needs to do.

Why is this newsworthy?

I CAN START MAKING WEBCOMICS NOW!

When my life is good, your life is a little bit worse. Haha. Screw you.