A Discourse on Opposite Days

Opposite Day has long been an overlooked and underappreciated holiday for many reasons.


For one, no one seems to know when Opposite Day truly is. Varying reports from various age groups (specifically those younger than twelve years old) suggest that Opposite Day could occur on any of the 365.25 days of the year. Some reports indicate that Opposite Day has been known to take place multiple times per year.This presents quite a problem, since no one truly knows when to celebrate it, or how often.


Second, Opposite Day is not a government sanctioned holiday, therefore it will go unrecognized and uncared for by the general public. Wikipedia suggests that Opposite Day is known to happen on February 6, but due to the varying nature of Opposite Days, the fact that the government hasn't approved of this, and the fact that Wikipedia lies, this is hardly a reliable statement.


Third, Opposite Day can give way to a great amount of paradoxes, confusion, deceit, and messes. If one declares that it is Opposite Day, that means that, since it is Opposite Day, the opposite of that statement is true, so it would not be Opposite Day. This would thereby make whoever said it a liar. If someone says it is not Opposite Day, then people would believe that and, even though it truly is Opposite Day, it would go unnoticed because it could, and most likely would, be taken literally as a straightforward statement of fact. Saying you love someone would mean you that you hate them, which makes you a jerk and a liar, but saying you hate them will offend them and cause them to hate you, which makes you a jerk and a liar. No matter what, on Opposite Day, everyone is made out to look like a bad guy. Or girl. Or simian with knowledge of ASL.


Fourth, why would February 6 be considered Opposite Day? Really, who thought of that? Out of all the days of the year, why would you pick the deathday of Emperor Ōgimachi of Japan? That just doesn't make sense.




In conclusion, I believe that Opposite Day should just be outlawed. Too much work. Unless the government would be willing to sanction some day as an official Opposite Day, which would eliminate most of the confusion. Just not on February 6. I don't understand that.