Hallway Etiquette

One of the many things that inordinately and consistently infuriates me is people who don't know how to walk. And I don't mean, like, people who can't walk, I'm not that big of a jerk. I mean people who, on the sidewalk or in the hallway, disobey the unspoken rules of hallway etiquette. Well, that's part of the problem: they're unspoken! So, after reading this, speak them, because this writing and not speaking.


RULE ONE
Stay on the right side. Right as in direction, not correct. Well, correct too. Right is right.

It's kind of like the road, except there's little to no chance of running someone over and splattering their blood all over the walls and other people walking. Walking on the left side is just like a big ol' "screw you" to everyone walking, because you're right in the way. It's annoying and it makes me wish the hallway were in fact a road.

RULE TWO

Don't take up the whole path. This goes particularly to groups of people who, instead of forming a mobile cluster, decide to fan out and make sure that no one is able to get past them. At least not without awkward bumping or outward violence.

I SWEAR I'LL DO IT

The thing I don't get about this one is that it's not like you can make conversation with someone on the other side of the hallway with a bunch of people between you. Falling in line will just prevent problems (refer to above picture).

RULE THREE

No loitering! This can be one person awkwardly standing in the way, two people talking, in the way, or a group of people standing around for no reason whatsoever.

Then it ends up looking like this. Good luck!

So like, pretty please, if you have someone you're talking to, that's wonderful, but kindly get out of the way. Otherwise, it's just rude.

RULE FOUR

Don't. Walk. So. Slow. Seriously, just pick up the pace a little, especially if it's crowded. I mean, walking slow is all right if the place is empty, no problem with that, people can move around you easily. But when there are a lot of people, and you're taking your sweet time, it makes it hard to get around you. Then people get stuck behind you, and it's really long, boring, and pointless.

Picture unrelated.

So pick it up a little so you're not clogging the hall like an artery. Or else, HALLWAY STROKE. Bam you're dead. Look what you did. Are you proud?

RULE FIVE

Don't be a jerk. Be considerate That pretty much sums it up. Just realize that other people are trying to move, and you suck.

Moral of the story: seriously, you suck.

Man vs. Bug

Just now, I have returned victorious from the field of battle: a battle in the aeon-long war of men against the wild nature of insects.


In the bathroom, whilst brushing my dingy yellows, I saw a freakishly mutilated and ugly brown insect drop from nowhere onto the floor beside the toilet. I looked over and decided that it must've been a beast from Hell itself. So, I grabbed a newly clean hand towel and threw it on top of the beast, trying to keep as calm as possible, nonchalantly brushing my teeth to keep up a facade of bravery over my balls-to-the-wall terrified interior.


Spitting and rinsing, I then proceeded to stomp viciously all over the towel. I figured Mom wouldn't be too happy that it would get bug guts all over it, and that it would be disgusting as a public toilet that the janitor forget to clean for a month, but I knew that was the price to pay for victory.


Grabbing a wad of Kleenex with which to dispose the remnants, I carefully lifted the towel. Underneath was a small clump of dog fur, unperturbed by my wrathful cruelty.


So then I felt like an idiot. I put the towel in the dirty towel basket and threw away two clean Kleenex with a clump of Angel's hair in it.


In my defense, there is no reason why that much dog hair should be in the bathroom. Baby girl rarely goes in there. But regardless, I won that fight. Bug or not, I emerge victorious.


Suck it.


Moral of the story: don't kill dog hair.

A Discourse on Opposite Days

Opposite Day has long been an overlooked and underappreciated holiday for many reasons.


For one, no one seems to know when Opposite Day truly is. Varying reports from various age groups (specifically those younger than twelve years old) suggest that Opposite Day could occur on any of the 365.25 days of the year. Some reports indicate that Opposite Day has been known to take place multiple times per year.This presents quite a problem, since no one truly knows when to celebrate it, or how often.


Second, Opposite Day is not a government sanctioned holiday, therefore it will go unrecognized and uncared for by the general public. Wikipedia suggests that Opposite Day is known to happen on February 6, but due to the varying nature of Opposite Days, the fact that the government hasn't approved of this, and the fact that Wikipedia lies, this is hardly a reliable statement.


Third, Opposite Day can give way to a great amount of paradoxes, confusion, deceit, and messes. If one declares that it is Opposite Day, that means that, since it is Opposite Day, the opposite of that statement is true, so it would not be Opposite Day. This would thereby make whoever said it a liar. If someone says it is not Opposite Day, then people would believe that and, even though it truly is Opposite Day, it would go unnoticed because it could, and most likely would, be taken literally as a straightforward statement of fact. Saying you love someone would mean you that you hate them, which makes you a jerk and a liar, but saying you hate them will offend them and cause them to hate you, which makes you a jerk and a liar. No matter what, on Opposite Day, everyone is made out to look like a bad guy. Or girl. Or simian with knowledge of ASL.


Fourth, why would February 6 be considered Opposite Day? Really, who thought of that? Out of all the days of the year, why would you pick the deathday of Emperor Ōgimachi of Japan? That just doesn't make sense.




In conclusion, I believe that Opposite Day should just be outlawed. Too much work. Unless the government would be willing to sanction some day as an official Opposite Day, which would eliminate most of the confusion. Just not on February 6. I don't understand that.

Hey, kids!

And by kids I mean you poor people who have nothing better to do. I'm sorry I've left you out in the cold for so long. I know I haven't updated this in forever, because I've had things to do (like writing 10,000 words, watching movies, watching TV, playing video games, sleeping, avoiding this blog) and neglected to update. Well, no more. Come in, please. Welcome back to my Asylum. You're insane, and in desperate need of my help. Well, I'm here for you.


First off, I would like to start by saying that I've been wearing the same pair of pants for a few weeks now. I've been washing them, of course (periodically maybe), it's just been the same pair, and the things at the bottom, I don't know what you call them, the hem? Bottom foldy things? Anyway, those. They're torn because I stepped on them. Mainly because I'm getting fat. I've not been doing the whole "moving" thing, and I drink too much Mt. Dew. However, in the interest of public safety, being able to fit into pants, and impressing all those cool people I don't care about, and maybe one I do care about, I'll be dropping pop/soda/soft drinks/cola/carbonated beverages and try to take a walk around campus before I shower at night. But dang... no more Mt. Dew... I'll be sleeping a lot more. Crap.


Second, I would like to tell you I have written 10,000 words of gloriousness that's really not that glorious and a little more than 10,000 words (40 more, to be exact) and you're probably never going to read it because I'm not going to post it on here. So why tell you? I don't know, that's why.


Thirdly, I learned, quite a while ago now, actually, that black-haired gal is transferring to another school and already getting her talk on with some other guy, so even if I would've talked to her, nothing would've happened. So I guess maybe my fear saved me! That's an awful lesson to be taught.


Lastly, I am working on a video. It'll be cool. Maybe. It won't. But. I'll post it on here when I'm done, which might take a while because I'm lazy. But I've got nothing else to do, so who knows? Maybe I'll have it up today!

Hahahahaha, ooohhaahoohaaaha.


Okay, but really, it'll be a while.


Fourthly, I've got another post planned. It's neat. Tumblr sucks because it doesn't autosave, and I was writing it there and it all got erased (can't remember how, but I lost everything). So I'll have to start from itch.


Scratch, whatever. That's a stupid phrase anyway, what's that even mean?


All right, get back to work, nothing more to see here.




Moral of the story: okay so there's this to see here, I lied. So don't lie, don't be like me, okay? Don't do it. Just don't.