Oh shoot! This would've been the best

I had this dream last night, or maybe during naptime today. But it was awesome. I was going to put it here, because it was a great idea.


But all I remember is a Fallout 3 styled combat knife and I was hiding it... I was walking through a building or campus, or both I can't remember. But I was hiding it in my left sleeve. It was difficult to get it through the elevator, but I went up some floors and stowed it somewhere. I looked pretty wicked in black, but that's really all I remember. It was a pretty sweet dream.


But now I can't remember. I remember thinking, in the dream, "This'll make a great post!" but even my dreaming self wouldn't remember.


Oh well. Maybe I'll have more stealthy and violent dreams tonight (read: tomorrow morning). But probably not.




Moral of the story: dream journals are actually really nifty. I need to start doing that again.

The faults of iPrism II

I know everyone and their mother has problems with internet filters, and all other kinds of filters, like coffee filters (which are gross) and lint filters in the dryer (also gross, but thankfully not all wet and soggy, unless you're doing it terribly wrong). This isn't necessarily a complaint against the filter, but its description for why it's blocking things. Which is actually kinda the same thing.

Okay.


Anyways, whilst surfing around and being blocked a lot, some of the blocked categories were just ridiculous. Here they are, for your ocular pleasure!




Art/culture
So not only is art being censored and banned, but so is culture in general. Which, technically, is like... the entire internet.


Corporate Marketing
I hate adverts as much as the next guy, but there's really no need to block a website for trying to get in the public eye. Might as well block, like... the entire internet then. Again.


Radio stations
Wait... what? How is that... just... what?


Health
Okay, so now iPrism is trying to kill us, great.


Professional services
Unless that's a euphemism, there's really no need to block that.


Games
Not nasty games, not pornographic or violent games. Just games. Stop playing them.


Specialized shopping
Also a euphemism...? Or maybe tall fat people just can't shop for pants that will actually fit.


Discussion forums
And we're not allowed to even talk? Sheesh. Pretty soon they'll just knock out all forms of digital media on the internet.


Digital media
Okay.

Fourshadowing

GET IT?

The Thinker

Classic art at its finest.
(I actually don't remember drawing this, but I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that it's been in my comics folder for a few months... yikes)

Turn that smile around a while

This is real. I wish it weren't but it is.

Do You Have Dirty Balls?
The Axe Detailer & Shower Gel Clean Your Balls. See the Demonstration.




Dearest reader, I am not making this up. I couldn't. I don't know where to start. The title? The fact that they insinuate that some men have balls that are clean? (let's face it, clean balls aren't common) The fact that they want you to HOLY HELL THEY WANT YOU TO SEE A DEMONSTRATION.


Yes. I want to see a man clean his nuts with shower gel. Sheesh. Well hey, at least there's a solution to your problem. Just... just be careful okay? I don't trust that.

Coffee Kills

How Unfortunate: PART IV

All right, this was supposed to be done, like, a really long time ago (this was on page three of the list of my posts, as a draft, that, for some reason, I decided not to finish). The DC stopped serving fortune cookies, so this will likely be the last, which is sad, but kind of good because maybe... no.
Well, enjoy this final post of fortune cookies. Maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll lose faith in mankind. Maybe I just don't even care.






Be ready to receive the good things that come your way.
Yeah, because good things need preparation, not a pleasant surprise or anything.
"Hey, I got you roses, my love!"
"GET AWAY, I WASN'T READY FOR THIS!"


Great thoughts come from the heart.
No, great thoughts come from the head. You know those girls who go out with the same douchebag multiple times? That comes from the heart and it's a terrible idea. Plus, the only idea your heart gives you is: beat, beat, beat, beat, beat.
VIOLENCE.


It's harder to ask the right questions than to find answers to the wrong questions.
Wait, what? No it's not. Now you're just making stuff up. You can't do that, fortune cookies. You can't do that.


With care, things will never change.
Yeah, because freak accidents never happen! And, y'know, LIFE.


Visions of a happy romance are in your near future.
Okay, this was several months ago. Still single. Thanks. Thanks, you lying son of a


Beautiful things awaits you.
Close, but no cicada. Whoever edits or translates these things isn't doing their job. Maybe that's why all of these fortunes have been stupid! They're really brilliant, wise proverbs mistranslated to sound like a six-year-old blew a hemorrhoid on a strip of paper!


Moral of the story: this story has a moral.


Have a fortunate life, but only if you build me a statue for my prophiteering. That might be a pun, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that's not actually a word.

I love this.

There's something terribly wrong and wonderfully offensive about this "convenient" way to hang infants. Of course, it's just that the "C" is missing, but it's been missing for a while. Like, a couple years. And they haven't even penciled in a "C" or anything. Which leads to all sorts of conspiracy theories about how Macy's is evil and needs to stop televising parades with obnoxiously large balloons and terrible singers.

But anyway, just thought I'd share my favorite picture ever.

Spinach

Hate

That Outback commercial narrator sounds fakely Australian

Today I went shopping at Khols/Meijer with Mom and Brother. I got Pop-Tarts, crackers, bagels, and cream soda (everything needed to live). It was cool. Here are some strange things I saw.

First off, the greatest invention since the sliced wheel. Or the bread, I... whatever. But it's a window scraper mitten! It's a mitten with a scraper at the end so you can keep your hands toasty warm while you scrape all the ice and snow off your windows! Don't be an idiot and buy a scraper AND a pair of glove, buy this!

I wanted to buy two of them and pretend to be a lobster monster but Mom wouldn't let me.

Kids toys are just so, so wrong. First of all, it's next to the ladypart shavers, or whatever those do. But anyways, to the product, there's a frog and a duck that don't squeak, which sucks, and don't do anything, which also sucks. They're called "Flashy Friends." probably left off the "with benefits" for censoring. But you can bet they're not lifting their tops for plastic beads. These whores are the real deal. Just look at the subtitle, for crap's sake. "Make bathtime fun"? What the eff. Showing your boobs would probably make bathtime way better, but you don't need to tell kids that with their ducks and frogs. Sick, man. Sick.

Woah. Just... woah. "Tweezers Ideal for easily handling critters"?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DO YOU GIVE CHILDREN A MAGNIFYING GLASS AND TWEEZERS? You know they'll be burning anthills and smashing ladybugs, you sicko. You sicken me. You don't "easily [handle] critters" with a freakin' huge set of plastic tweezers. Gaw. That's... that's wrong, man. Real wrong.

1. Why did they give me a ticket to get bagged?

2. Why would they ask me how it was?

3. Why do they really want to know?

4. What is wrong with the world?

(side note, the order was 66, so up at the top was a capitalized "ORDER 66" and I chuckled)

Woah.

I was standing on my chair taking off my underpants and I lost balance. I almost fell but I caught ahold of the shelf thing on top of my desk. It would've been weird because my underpants were around my ankles and I could have seriously injured myself.


I just thought you all should know that because it was a very important part of my day.

Troglodyte Delight

Ecstasy.


Well, says you, what's a troglodyte?! Well let me tell you.


1. Caveman
2. Hermit/recluse.
3. The common chimp.
4. Dungeons and Dragons monster.
5. Also, birds.


What does one look like?

Silly bird, you're not in a cave! You don't know words.

AND

Woah, troglodytes are pretty good looking.

Yes, that's right. I'm a troglodyte. It's my delight! Wanna fight?


I have just been told by a guy on my floor who reads my blog without following it (talking to you, Richie) that I am a troglodyte. It was deeply insulting and my feelings are hurt (okay so maybe I laughed and thought it was hilarious then realized it was true but still thought it was pretty funny).


I rarely leave my room. Actually the only time I ever leave is to use the bathroom, shower, eat, and go to class.

My room is my cave. I sleep there. I snack there. I type this crap there.

I am Troglodyte, destroyer of worlds. Bow down ye mighty and despair. Two paths diverged in the bleak December.


What was I talking about?


Moral of the story: caves are pretty cool. You like Batman? Of course you do. He's cool. He lives in a cave. Ergo caves are cool. Logic.

Blade Runner is awesome.

Traipsing around the internet not pirating movies, I found this:

It's a screencap so I dunno how well it shows up... not too well. Not well at all. Click on it for a larger view. It says "Popular Clips" and all of them have zero views! Ha. That's not what popular means! Silly internet.

Okay well I thought it was funny.

Bartender

Google Image Search just freaked me out.

So, I go to Google Image Search, and forgot I was already there and typed in "images" to start "images.google.com" see? One of the first autofill responses was "Images of girls bedrooms."


...


I'll let that soak in.


Creepy? Or interior designy? I don't know but I had to look. Turns out it was the latter, but on the suggested searches line there were other related searches, one of which was "images of love" (?) and another which was "images of women," which I naturally clicked on just because I can okay?


Related searches were "beautiful women" which is normal, another was "images of women in advertising," which makes me wonder who really gets online and is like "Hey, I wonder what women are in advertising today!" (answer=hopefully no one). The last one was "images of women giving birth."


WHAT


NO


WHAT????


Yes. Who searches for that?! That's just goofy. And dumb. Some pictures included a guy giving birth, pictures of cute babies (I'm guessing they're cute by standards, they still look homicidal to me), a fat chick in a kiddie pool, a statue, a lolcat, and some flow charts. Oh and a couple pregnant ladies. And maybe one lady giving birth.


I can't find a single point in this search that is totally wack and needs changed. That's just weird.


And to top it all off, the related search was "images of girls bedrooms" because apparently childbirth and juvenile female interior design are synonymous.

A Coincidence too coincidental to be coincidence.

I'm reading through Arthur C. Clarke's Odyssey series, and on the cover of the third one, there's a picture of a dood standing next to the infamous Monolith as seen in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.

See the monolith right behind the trippy ghost-lookin' guy?

Well, it looked to me like something very familiar. What I found was a shocking shocker too shockful to shock.

MIND=BLOWN

That's right. The iPod Nano (it's an old model by now I think) looks almost identical to the dark and enigmatic and possibly evil monolith.

I think this is an appropriate conclusion to come through: Apple is evil and designs its products after evil. This is too coincidental to ignore.

Moral of the story: science fiction reveals the true nature of unseen evil.

I have nothing to say.

But someone told me to post something. No, it was not me or some alternate personality, it was a real person.


So what to talk about? How about my life? Nah, no one wants to know what I did over the weekend.


How about my mom's life? No.


How about my baby girl? She wanted my birthday cake ice cream but that's not gonna happen because she's a mooch but she's soooo cyoooooooot.


How about getting rejected? Oh yeah! That happened. That was fun. Reminded me why I don't talk to people.


Okay okay this post is now about being rejected.

It sucks. That makes me 0 for 3 now which is not very good for the self esteem.


Okay post over go to bed.


Moral of the story: oh hey it's 9-11. Aw.

Victory

Today is a good day. It is a good day for two reasons.


1. I got a new laptop fan. It's really nice.
2. I beat the s*#@ out of the old one. It was really nice.


Yes.

You are gazing upon the shattered remnants of poor technology.

Glorious. I scraped up my hands and had to answer a few questions to Mom and Dad, but it was worth it. Just look at the scrap. Booyah. Also, my brother helped.

Yes, that is a picture of a man stabbing a laptop fan with a pirate sword.

So today's great. I would burn it, but I don't think that's totally legal.

Moral of the story: this is what men do when they don't like things--they beat them up.

Advert Fail

Meet Singles With Horses. 


Join the best, largest and most effective dating site for single horse lovers and friends in the world!


Yes, that's real, and no, I'm not making it up. Found it on Facebook. I'm concerned... I don't even think I need to explain it. Or make fun of it. Except that (I hope to God, anyway) that there should be "and only" stuck after "most effective."


Why is this really a website? Why?

A Lesson in Grammar

Hi, kids! It's your old pal, Mr. Misanthropic McHater!


Today, I'm going to teach you a lesson that you'd better not forget, because I know where you live.


This lesson is called...


The Difference Betwixt "Awe" and "Aw"


There is one. Know it.


"Awe" is defined as "an overwhelming feeling of wonder or admiration; a mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity, or might."


From this is derived the word "awesome," which is apparently the correct form of the word "awing" which my writing professor says isn't a word even though my computer and Microsoft Word both say it's okay, professor.




"Aw" is defined as "an expression of either disappointment or affection; a vowel coloration caused by a frequency-response peak centered around 450Hz. An "aw" coloration tends to emphasize and glamorize the sound of large brass instruments (trombone, tuba)."


This is the noise you make when something is cute, like a baby goat, or crappy, like finding out that you have to go to a family reunion (Aw, Mom! *sad face*).




So, pretty please, stop saying "Awe!" when you mean "Aw!" okay?

Godwin's Law

Love

Love is like a potato.

Above: potato.

Sometimes it's dirty, and you gotta work hard to grow it, cultivate it, and pull it from the mud and clean it.

Above: I hope that's a potato field... I can't say I really checked.

Also, they're great fried.

Fried love is the best love.

This was going to be about moustaches, but I got sidetracked.

Dear Apple,


First off, I hate you and I hope you die, even though your laptops are okay and your MP3 players are the best. Second, I would like to let you know that "moustache" is a completely correct way of spelling "mustache". The latter is simply the dumbed down version of the former (the correct and original) and only exists because Americans don't want to put in the extra "O". Also, Why is YouTube correct but Facebook not? I mean, seriously.


Love (and by Love I mean Awaiting your Imminent Destruction and Corporate Downfall),
Matt.


P.S. I don't care what anyone says, the iPad looks silly.

Happy Birthday, Angel!

:D


My baby girl is twelve years old. She's such a big girl, and by big I mean old and by girl I mean hardly-lady-like hairy beast.

Isn't she so pretty? She's the greatest dog in the world, and I don't say that just because she'd be upset if I didn't. 'Cause she can't read. And you could swear at her but if you say it kindly, she'll love you.

But her age is showing. It's hard for her to stand up or go up and down stairs. Her poor old legs suck. And so does her depth perception. But she always makes it through because she's the best gurl evar.

Well, Angie girl, most precious little baby in the universe, here's to a few more birthdays. I love you dearly, even though you can't read any of this, and you are a mooch who steals food, and you bit me.

Oh did I mention that? Yeah, she bit me once. In the ear. Still have a scar. She was licking it and got carried away or something, when she was a puppy, but still. She bit me! But she's still precious.

Wait, that's totally not my dog. Guess I'm out of pictures.

Happy birthday, Angel! My beautiful liddle gurl, yes you are, oh yes you are, muh baybeee, rrrrrghghghdhaighd love you purdyful aynjuuuuuhlllllllll.

Beautiful PhotoShop creation

I call it....


The Butterhorse

Isn't he beautiful? Or she. Can't, um... can't tell.

I don't know if I can ever top this one. Go ahead and soak it its glory for a few minutes, or hours. I know I will.

Worst commercial ever

I was about to leave it "Worst life insurance commercial ever," but I think this beats all bad commercials.


I can't remember who it was, so I can't find it on YouTube (it might've been Liberty, but I still couldn't find it), but I remember basically how it went.


It starts off with two middle-aged women who look like they were slipped a fifty and told to recite some lines for a camera. There are some brief introductions (hello, good morning wtf ever [why is goodnight one word and good morning two?]) and then the following conversation, probably abridged, ensues:


Lady 1: My mother passed away.
Lady 2: Oh! I'm so sorry! *insincere frown that looks nonchalantly conversational*
Lady 1: Oh, it's okay, I got this in the mail! It's something I've been waiting for.
Lady 2: What is it?
Lady 1: My mother's life insurance! It'll help cover the cost of her funeral. *this lets you know she's hardly been dead... so what, the lady's not even grieving?*
*cue inspirational music and cuts away to some generically creepy narrator talking about how for only 35 cents a day you can get blah blah but only if you're 40-80 years old, since apparently people over 80 don't need life insurance*


Whaaaaaaat? Here's the abridged version:


Lady 1: My mom died.
Lady 2: Oh, I'm so sorry! *still insincere look*
Lady 1: Who cares? I got her life insurance check! Wooooo!
Lady 2: Um...




What an awful, awful commercial.


Moral of the story: if you're going to write a commercial, make sure you're not braindead or twelve or a committer of matricidal life insurance fraud.

Why you should shut up and press 1 for English

I'm sure, if you've spent any time at all on the internet, you've seen the following message on a picture, bumper sticker, status update, etc.:
This is America, why the hell should I have to press 1 for English?


Well, to all those racist, xenophobic, supremacist douchebags, I'm going to tell you why the hell you should have to press 1 for English and why you should shut up and stick your hand in an electric socket for expressing typical unamerican behavior that proves and explains why everyone else in the world hates us. Yes, it's your fault.


1. You're assuming that English is the primary language.
Which it technically isn't, and will soon share that spot with Spanish with all the immigrants (legal or otherwise) coming up. According to Wiki, the national language is English (de facto).


De facto is a Latin expression that means "by [the] fact". In law, it is meant to mean "in practice but not necessarily ordained by law" or "in practice or actuality, but without being officially established".


See? There you go. You're just whining and upset that you have to press an extra button. Get over it. Also according to Wiki, the federal government does NOT recognize an official language. If the freakin' government (at the federal level) doesn't even give us an official language, there isn't one. We just assume it's English because the majority of the population speaks it.


2. You're an ignorant, intolerant racist.
By complaining all over cyberspace that you hate having to press 1 for English, you're proving yourself to be an ethnocentric pansy and a racist. You're saying that since WE IN AMURICUH, English should be the only language spoken ever, ergo anyone who doesn't know English for whatever reason is inferior and not worthy of living here. That's right. If you can't speak English, you don't belong here and you don't deserve to have freedom and enjoy life. Period.


Now, c'mon, people, you can't be that stupid. This is a new low. Or an old low, really, since it's been around for a while. But anyway...


Spanish-speaking people are people too. They've been around for longer than you have, as Spanish is an older language than English. Also, if you bothered to read part of that page, you would've seen that it's one of the six official languages in the UN. Six. Only six. Out of all the thousands of languages spoken around the world, only six are official in the United Nations. That's gotta count for something, right?

Oh, and fun fact:

There are more Spanish speakers in the U.S. than there are speakers of Chinese, French, Hawaiian, and the Native American languages combined. According to the 2007 American Community Survey conducted by the United States Census Bureau, Spanish is the primary language spoken at home by over 34 million people aged 5 or older. There are 45 million Hispanics who speak Spanish as a first or second language and there are 6 million Spanish students, making it the world's second-largest Spanish-speaking community, only after Mexico and ahead of Spain, Colombia and Argentina.

Yet you still think they should just learn English or GTFO? Pressing 1 for English is starting to be pretty reasonable about now.

3. You're an unamerican bigot who has seemingly forgotten what America is.
America has always taken in and taken care of immigrants of every nationality since the beginning. Keep in mind that English-speakers are actually immigrants here, after we figuratively (and literally, actually) screwed the Native Americans and destroyed their lives, families, and pretty much everything they owned. Remember that? Yeah, good times.


America is a country of immigrants. We were founded on the idea that we could escape persecution and come to a place where we can make our dreams come true. That's the American spirit. Not angrily spamming the internet with crap about how people shouldn't be allowed to speak Spanish (or that Spanish-speaking people shouldn't be allowed to use phones--both are equally ridiculous).


Spanish people exist. They have just as much right as you do to live here and enjoy their freedoms and worship whoever or whatever (cocaine!) they want, and speak whatever language they want, just like you. If you don't like that, then why are you even here? That's what America stands for and you're ruining it for everyone else. It's not Spanish-speakers that don't belong here, it's arrogant bigots like you who don't. If you can't get along, quit complaining about how everyone else should leave or shut up and take your own advice: leave or shut up.


4. You're lazy.
It's a button. A button. ONE BUTTON.


It's not the end of the world. It'll take up less than two seconds of your life. You press 1 and everything goes on like it normally should. Are you really too lazy to press one friggin button? You'll undoubtedly spend more time complaining about how you don't want to press a button than you actually do pressing said button (and you'll actually be doing both, so you're losing a lot more time). Save yourself the effort and just press the button and shut your face fingers (wait, that still doesn't make sense, never mind, just... just stop).


What happened to the America with dedicated hard workers drudging day in and day out just trying to make a living to support themselves and their families? What happened to the America that was thankful for just enough money to get by, and would've been more than content to eat stale bacon and cornbread for weeks at a time just so they could live and be happy with their families?


That America is lost and gone forever, and that's sad, it really is. It sucks. It's been replaced with a bunch of half-wit bums who have nothing better to do than to whine to everyone who will listen (and even to everyone who won't) that they don't like pressing buttons to accommodate their neighbors' language. You're pathetic. You make me sick. The moral and ethical decay of America is largely due to spoiled, selfish crotch-stains like you. I mean it.


So why should you have to press 1 for English? Because it's not the only language spoken here, and your Spanish-speaking brothers and sisters need to be able to utilize phone services just as much as you do. Because it's not that big of a deal for you to take a couple extra seconds to press a button so that people who can't speak English can save possibly hours going around to find someone who can get them what they need. And most importantly, it shows what America is all about--it shows that we can get along with others and love and accept them even though we don't (or can't) completely understand them.


So do yourself and the entire country a favor: shut up and press 1 for English.

Facebook thinks I'm bestial.

Yeah, maybe I'm taking that a bit out of context, but I do think that Facebook is under the probably misguided conception that I'm into sodomizing horses.


First they think I'm gay, now they think I'm Daniel Radcliffe's partner in crime.


Which brings up an interesting question... is having sex with horses illegal? I mean... just wondering. I'm not into that. Not really, I mean.


Y'see, the thing about Facebook is they stalk you (on the internet, you don't stalk Facebook, Facebook stalks you!) by looking at, I suppose, even your chat history. Chat was the only place I said anything about horses and photoshopping butterfly wings on them with pancakes. Never mind why.


But now I'm getting all these ads about horses, horse riding, horse buying, horse looking, horse shoes, horse mythology, horse-themed toilet seats, etc. It's crazy. Horses are cool and all, but what?


Sheesh. Put it together, Facebook. And grow up. C'mon.


Moral of the story: there is so much immorality here... I just... I can't, I can't do it.

My phone is evil

I might've mentioned this before, but I really don't feel like doing anything, so I'm just going to say you have no idea. This is all new. All of it.

My phone hates me. It tries to ruin my social life with indecent inappropriateness. Now, I don't mean that it takes and sends naked pictures of me to all the fine ladies, because that would be doing them a favor. That would be very appropriate and decent.

The word function is just all wacked outta wack. So, here's a list and some examples as to why my phone is damning me to the life of a social outcast, pervert, and single lonely man who needs some luv.

First will be the intended word, then the word that my phone uses.

comes==boner

Now, I know neither are really appropriate, but at least one is ambiguous. Boner is always bad. Always.

Example: "I hope he boner over to my house! I can't wait until my best friend boner."

Apart from not making any grammatical sense, it makes it seem as if my best guy friend is coming over for some sweaty man love in the posterior. Not exactly the impression you want to leave on people you're texting (although I'd much rather be accused of sodomy than bad grammar, just sayin').


movies==mother


Imagine how many terrible and unintentional yo mama jokes could be pulled with this one. And it can sound just plain wrong.


Examples: "Hey, I'm gonna watch some mother, wanna join?"
                  "Bring some of your mother with you, doesn't matter what kind. Erotic mother, scary mother, action mother, romance mother, funny mother..."


Creepy. Who wants to sit down and watch your hot, hot mother? I bet you like your mother with lots of nudity. Someone's got an Oedipus complex going on. Pervert.

came==bamf

Not nearly as inappropriate, but imagine someone thinking that I'm using such awful language (a naughty donkey with a sexual attraction to its mother... gross?). Either that or Nightcrawler just teleported into my phone.

Actually, wouldn't that be awesome?

Example: "I just bamf home."

                  "What? You bad*** mother****ered home? What are you talking about?"

                  "Oh, sorry! Meant came. I just came. Home. Came home."

                  "I'm never talking to you again and I hope you die."

                  "Would it be cooler if I meant I teleported home?"

                  *Message blocked at destination, police notified.

Yeah, try explaining that one to someone. No, actually, don't.

part==saru

The one time I tried to spell "Saruman," the word "part" was destroyed and lost forever in the black oblivion that is the unused and misspelled and pushed aside words in my phone (until I hit the 0 key). Apparently my phone thinks that every time I talk about a portion of a whole, what I really mean is Christopher Lee with really long hair, magic, and ugly manservants that he grows in his backyard. An easy misunderstanding, of course.

Example: "I saw the movie, but I don't remember that saru."

                  "Is that Japanese? You know Japanese! That's so sexy, I want you."

Woah, that one might be okay... provided I'm talking to a she. Actually, scratch this off the list, this is awesome.

can.==2am.

I don't know how this happened, because "can" boner comes out as "can," but when there's a period at the end, it boner comes out as 2am. I have no explanation for this. Not even a stupid theory. WHAT HAPPENED?!

Examples: "I'd like to come over, but I don't know if I 2am."

                    "My grandpa just kicked the 2am."

Imagine my admirers in complete confusion as they don't know what I'm talking about. I don't even know what I'm talking about.


remember==73636237


I have no explanation for this. Maybe I typed in a bunch of random numbers my phone thought was a word. Either way, it won't go away and it's really weird.


plan==skan


Skan? W-what? Wait, what's a skan? I have no memory of every using that word. It does mean something, but I have never heard of any of that stuff before. Nor will I ever again after posting this. Maybe it happened when I tried to teach my phone to say "skank." Huh. Yeah, that's probably it.

OTHER WEIRD WORDS

jfku

I don't know what this one means, but it looks like John F. Kennedy is being used as an insult.

Example: "Go JFK yourself."

                  "wtjfk dude"

jjjklllllllomolomknol

This is not a word. It's not even on Google. What if I accidently used that? I would look like a fool.

y2k

Is this real? Is a decade-old myth really necessary to program into a phone? The answer is no, but apparently the fellows at Samsung thought it was.

Well, there are more, but I can't remember them. If I do, I'll make a part two.

Moral of the story: SkyNet becoming self-aware is closer than you might think. Sure, it starts out with a phone sending unintentional sex jokes, but pretty soon, BAM, terminated.