Squid Squad!

Oh man, I just got a great idea for a novel.


SQUID SQUAD!


Anthropomorphic squids in the Atlantic form a squad of hardened mercs who don't play by the rules in order to stop the greatest terror of the seas: humans, and their big boats and oil spills. In the end fishermen catch all the Squid Squad members and eat them, reminding the viewer that people are super evil and squids are poor helpless unfortunate beasts, eliciting a strong emotional reaction from the audience so that they'll be outraged and become social activists. It'll have all the great stuff, you know: contrived, forced, nonsensical plot; memorable, obnoxiously "quirky" characters; an in-your-face pro-environmentalist viewpoint; blatant condemnation of capitalism, industry, and humankind; tons of action, and explosions! UNDERWATER. Oh yes, there will be blood (also there are about an infinity of outdated, overused, out of character, out of context pop culture gags, jokes, and references).


No wait! You know what would be better than a novel? An over-produced, excessively promoted and advertised CGI blockbuster that costs half a billion dollars! And they'll say they'll donate like, two percent of the proceeds to a wildlife foundation or something. Even though they could've just donated all the money that went into the movie. But you know, screw that, right?


Hold on to your belt, ladies and gents, because I just got another squidtastic idea (oh yeah, forgot to mention it'll have a lot of squid-based puns that are really forced and don't even make sense, and a whole lot of ink jokes just for good measure)! Let's make it a trilogy! The second will have almost nothing to do with the third, will retcon a few things from the first (like the fact that they're all dead) to go in a different, more ridiculous direction. The third will just be straight terrible, desperately trying to squeeze as much money from moviegoers as possible, and everyone will see how pathetic the attempt is, but will still go to see it because it's Squid Squad and everyone will totally love it, believe me.


This is turning out to be really great. I'll crank out a screenplay or a script or something soon.