Jail Time!

I've decided that if I end up failing at life, I'm going to shoot an old woman in the face and go to jail. She'll be dead soon anyway, so it's not like her death will matter. Plus, she's old and no one will love her. Then, while I'm in jail, I'll be taken care of and pretty set. I mean, the showers are kind of a down side, but all in all, it's a great idea, right? Maybe I'll do a little GTA and steal her car, then shoot her in the face, that way I'm sure to get a life sentence. Oh, and I gotta burn the flag and a cross while yelling death threats at the president. My whole life is planned out since starting right, like... now. 

I'll get free meals, a place to sleep, so I'll be pretty much taken care of. A little police brutality and judicial BS to get through, but hey, it's the end that counts.

In the end, after all, the end is the end, and it's the end that ends the end. End of story. 

Moral of the story: if life hands you lemons, murderkill a senior citizen.