How unfortunate

I love fortune cookies. Everyone does. Or else. But some of the fortunes are just ridiculous. Here are some:


No difficulty can awe you once you make your decision.
Immortality should be a walk in the park, then!


An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.
So, I guess we should always have a meal before voting. I knew I should've voted McCain...


Recognize and deal with reality, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
Good advice, but doesn't that seem a little grim for a fortune cookie?


You will hear pleasant news.
Even for over-generalization, that's pretty vague. Ish.


Flowers, music, gift, and invitations are yours soon.
Apart from not having a comma after "gifts," I don't want flowers or gifts or invitations, and how does someone give you music?


You are going to have some new clothes.
I'm not explaining this.


You are domestically inclined and will be happily married.
If a girl read that, it could be offensive chauvinistically. I read it and felt gay.


A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!
...in bed...


You will either be happy over a proposition offered or a new job.
So now you can't even pick one vague statement? Seriously.


You will have a long and healthy life.
After all those fortune cookies I just ate? Ha. Haha.


Moral of the story: you're going to die.


Am I good or what?