Holidays are meaningless

Let's be honest, that's all today really is, a meaningless holiday. Isn't it stupidly amazing how now one give's half a rat's big toenail about holidays? I mean, we Americans care nothing about that, and have turned every important holiday into something food-related.


PROVE IT?!


Okay.


We'll start at the start of the year, and end at the end of the year.


New Year's Day- Bring in the start of the new year! How? By eating cabbage, black-eyed peas, and pork! Why? Good question!
Valentine's Day- Celebrate the love and romance associated with the horrific death of Christian martyrs! How? Candy, chocolate, and those chalky heart things.
Easter- Commemorate the resurrection of Jesus! How? By eating candy and eggs!
Memorial Day- Remember the soldiers who died in service of America. How? By cooking out, stuffing your face, and getting wasted! After all, it's what they would've wanted. It's what they died for.
Independence Day- Give tribute to the founding fathers who started this great country! How? Cooking out again! And blowing crap up.
Halloween- Celebrate death, horror, and ancient ancestor worship! HOW? Candy! Seriously, what is it with celebrating with candy? What good does that really do for anyone?
Thanksgiving- Give thanks for everything and everyone who has blessed your life! How? By shoving turkey down your throat!
Christmas- Remember the birth of Jesus and the origins of Christianity! How? Ham! Stuffing! Those awful fruitcakes!
New Year's Eve- Finish off the year with a bang! How? Booze! And a lot of parties have those nuts and gross square mint things.


As you can see, culture has tainted and crapped on holidays by filling in food where meaning should be. It's kinda hilarious and kinda pathetic. Actually, it's really hilarious and disgustingly pathetic.


But in the spirit of Memorial Day, a big thank you to American soldiers for fighting through hell and making it out (dead or alive), so we can sit here, not care, and gorge ourselves on lust and food! It's the best we can do to show how much we don't really care.


(sarcasm and cynicism aside, soldiers have my deepest respect and admiration for their sacrifice--thank you)


Moral of the story: eat, have fun, whatever, just remember what you're celebrating, and why you're able to do that stuff.