Mango crotch

Someone janked my laundry soap. I don't know why. There really isn't a need to steal soap. There wasn't even much in it. Maybe they thought it was theirs? Doubt it. My soap is unique.

(actual photo)

So CLEARLY someone has stolen my soap. Seems about as worthless as washing your hands after you pee, but whatever.


But, since people normally just leave soap lying around the washroom (another reason that stealing would be stupid), I just grabbed the first bottle of detergent and used it. It happened to be some fancy mango scented crap. As for the title, I'm doing whites now. Which means socks and underpants. So my crotch, butt, and feet will smell like succulent mango delight until my unbathed body rubs up on them so much that they start smelling like death.


I'm afraid someone's going to sniff my balls and compliment me. Worse, I'm afraid I'll start sniffing my balls and liking it.


Moral of the story: don't steal soap. You'll just create misery for everyone. Including yourself, because if I ever find the jerk who stole my soap, I'll use my arsenal of coarse insults, racial slurs, and  your mom jokes until they cry or give me back the empty bottle of soap.






Update: okay, so they don't smell at all like mangoes. Just really wet socks. This whole post is irrelevant now. And my day is ruined.