Why swine flu is good for the economy

Think about it: the economy starts to go downhill, Obama jumps in the office, and before you know it, BAM! H1N1 virus. Coincidence? You decide.


With the advent of this "swine flu," more people will be visiting hospitals, getting vaccinations, taking medicine, etc. All of those things have one thing in common (apart from health-relation so okay I guess it's two things): they cost money. What stimulates the economy? Spending money. Fellatio is also stimulating, so we should really try to make that a part of the plan, too. It's worth a shot, right?


I got an e-mail today from my hall director that said if you got swine flu, you should basically quarantine yourself and not go to the dining commons, chapel, or social events. If that's not bad enough, he said that if you had to leave for the toilet or shower, you should wear a mask and disinfect everything you touch.


Are we real with this? It's a strain of the flu. People get sick with the flu all the time. Regular flu kills, too. Why is this strain so violently different that we're going through all this hype? If anything, it will help stir things up a little economically. Oh, and it's all Obama's fault, because everything bad that happens in America is directly because of something he did or didn't do.


Moral of the story: conspiracy theories, if anything, are great comedic material (which subsequently creates more jobs for comedians and satirists, further fellating the economy).


Get sick (trust me, it's not that bad).